This one goes out to all my fellow mommies...
Motherhood is a transformation like no other in this universe. In the blink of an eye, a woman goes from experiencing 100% freedom to having her life and body revolve around a tiny helpless human being for years to come. Throw in the hormones, bodily changes, societal pressures, it's no wonder why we say it is the hardest job in the world.
I wanted to share my story a bit, specifically the fitness side of it, in the hopes of giving some moms someone to relate to and a chance to feel heard. It's so so easy to feel like the only one experiencing certain thoughts and emotions, but the truth is...it's so much more common than we think.
PREGNANCY #1
I remember finding out I was pregnant with my first baby. We were ecstatic and couldn't believe it was actually happening! I remember thinking "there is actually a tiny human growing inside me...no freakin way."
Little did I know of all the obstacles that lied ahead.
I was blessed to have an "easy" pregnancy free of complications. I didn't experience the nausea or extreme fatigue. No medical issues.
The hardest parts of my journey were the mental and emotional aspects. As an athlete and CrossFit coach, I struggled big time watching my body change. I would go to coach class and as my belly grew I would think "damn, I used to be able to do that. Ugh I used to be able to lift that weight."
I worked out throughout my entire pregnancy which made me feel awesome, but it honestly sucked not being able to perform the way I used to and slowly watch my body decrease in strength and endurance.
Yes...I know...I should feel so lucky that I get to carry my own baby and I am...BUT I've learned that it also doesn't mean I'm not entitled to feel a certain way about my new body and journey. After all, pregnancy is hard.
BABY #1
Finally, my baby boy, Theo, arrived. It's true what they say - your heart walks outside your body. It's the truest love you'll ever experience.
Jumping into motherhood was hard though! The sleep deprivation, the new postpartum body, the postpartum hormones, everything.
As Theo got older and I got cleared to workout, I had to find a new routine and modify my goals. I couldn't just leave whenever I wanted to go to the gym and stay as long as I wanted to like before. I used to take my time doing my accessory work, I used to chat and mingle, spend as much time as I wanted there. I now had to basically get in and get out so I can go back to being mom...at least that's what it felt like. Luckily, Theo was an easy baby and since my boyfriend and I went to the same gym, baby duty was easy between the two of us.
Theo is now 14 months old, and it has gotten significantly harder. He's an adventurous fast toddler who loves to explore! Luckily, our gym is kid friendly, and Joe and I can bring him with us. I still feel like I have to get in and get out, but I honestly don't mind it right now. I know I'm still getting my workout in and fueling my health.
PREGNANCY #2
Theo was 5 months old when we found out we were pregnant with our second baby. We were super excited to give Theo a sibling, but I knew it was going to come with another round of bodily changes.
One thing I learned how to do during this second pregnancy was give myself grace and learn how to be ok with cutting back.
NO ONE tells you how difficult pregnancy is after your first, especially when they're still little. I couldn't rest and nap like I did during my first pregnancy, I couldn't be a couch potato and binge Netflix if I wanted to. I now had to carry and chase after Theo.
Again, I was lucky to have a medically uncomplicated pregnancy, but I got hit with some serious lower back and pelvic pain. I have previous back injuries, so I think that combined with the fact that these pregnancies were so close together and I had to continue to carry my chunky baby is what made it 10x worse. This made working out very difficult for me.
Because I didn't get a chance to regain all my strength and endurance between the two pregnancies, I wasn't as "disappointed" in my decrease in performance as I was my first pregnancy. My body was so achey I was ok going easier at the gym. Joe and my friend/pelvic floor therapist would always remind me - "start slow and just move."
I told myself as long as I can consistently stick to working out three times a week it'd be a win. I was used to working out five times a week, but honestly, cutting back and being able to successfully maintain my new schedule made me feel so accomplished. I'm grateful for that experience because it has given me tools that I can use with my nutrition clients as well as with the athletes I coach.
I stuck with it as long as I could and made it to 39.5 weeks! Baby boy #2, named Luca, was born a few days ago and here we are snuggling on the couch as I write this post.
WHAT LIES AHEAD?
I. have. no. idea.
Having two babies 14 months apart is awesome but definitely scary and chaotic.
In terms of fitness and nutrition, I remind myself I have to show up for myself so I can show up for my boys. I love working out because it makes me feel good and keeps me strong (those strollers and car seats get heavy after a while!). Proper nutrition is important to me because I feel energized and regulated. These are things I'm going to want to try to prioritize so I can feel my best as a woman and as a mom. Don't forget, you were you before becoming a mom.
Goals change and that is totally ok. My goal is no longer to try to constantly hit personal records and live in the gym. I want to be a strong, healthy, energetic woman and mom. As the boys grows, I know I will have more time and freedom, but for now I'm ok just soaking in all the baby memories and cuddles, because once they're gone...they're gone.
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